Days Off Paradox


With my new work schedule on the second shift, every other week I have 5 days off in a row. I know, right now you are probably jealous. Anyone would love to have that much time away from work, but I am still here unhappy about the current situation. I did not go part time to work less, I went part time because I could not tolerating full time and keep my sanity on night shift. Now that I am on second shift, I am not having any of the problems I did on night shift, but cannot see myself going full time. The reason behind this is, that my husband and I would be away from one another most of the week and only see each other in bed and for an hour or two in the morning. We truly enjoy getting to spend time with each other. But even on my days off, I do get to have my evenings with him, but he still has to be gone for work most of day. I have some hobbies, i.e. working out, running, and bike riding, but once I have done all those things in a morning, I am wondering what I should be doing with my time. I have been tempted many times to change my career path to a Doc’s office so that I can have weekends off and holidays off with my husband and we can both get home at the same time… but I cannot leave the hospital unit since I am learning a lot and my only way to advance my skills is here. Big dilemma!

My husband and I have explored and practice Buddhism, but most days it is hard to practice what you learn. I remind myself that I need to live in this current moment and not think about the next day I work and over analyze everything well I sit at home. I have a beautiful home and a lot to be grateful for, but sit here feeling dissatisfied with my day. I feel when Buddha said all of life is suffering, he could be right about that. The expectations and wants lead to me feeling less than stellar about all that I currently have.  I do not mind doing things alone, but have the most fun time when I can do those things with my husband. I already cleaned the house and took care of all the tasks. I worked out yesterday and my body is a bit achy, so I would like to take a breather for the day. We do not have any current tasks with the house that can be performed right now. I have a small group of friends and some are living in other states, while others have the 9-5 M-F jobs so that takes away from that plan.  So this leaves me sitting here and writing this blog as a means of something to do.

I am not completely happy with my job, so I am grateful I get these days off, but wish so much I had a day shift schedule and I was doing a job that I loved( if only I knew what that job looked like or how to achieve this job). Once I finish my last shift for the week, I am thinking about the next time I go back to work. I want to have my days off filled with activities and entertainment. I want to be able to travel and seek out new places. But who would want to do this alone? The one thing I miss about college was there was always something to do at the college or around it. There were tons of people to hang out with and who shared interest in doing the same things you were doing. Post college life, I do not live by any of my friends and no one has the same schedule. Chris does an awesome job of doing activities with me after work, but some days as he is winding down, I am winding up from being stuck inside and we have different ideas on how to spend our evening. Then I feel like I have spent the day doing nothing and wasting time that I could be doing something fun or interesting. I refuse to conform to a mundane life of going to work, having dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat. On that note, I need to get out and get some fresh air. I think a bike ride may be a good idea and perhaps running some errands. Off to explore!




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